Like Cat and Dog

Maverick (our cat):  Whoa!  WTF is that?

JoJo (our dog): Hi Mav, I'm as sick as a dog so leave me alone!  Oh wait, I am a dog.

Maverick: No shit, what is that thing on your head?

JoJo: I had to have surgery on my lower eyelid because of a blocked oil gland. I also had two fatty tumors removed from my belly. The doctor put this on me so I won't pull out my stitches.  I have to wear it for two weeks.

Maverick: This is going to be the best two weeks of my life. Good luck trying to catch me with that ridiculous thing on your head.

JoJo: Gee, you really know how to make me feel like the cat's meow.  You better be nice to me or you'll find yourself in the doghouse once I figure out how to walk with this damn thing around my head.

Maverick: While you try to figure that cone thing out I'm going to take a catnap.

Oh Boy, the Dog Days of Summer!

Just a Reminder

In my search for additional blogs to follow I came across this one and thought her story was worth sharing. I know people who have lost loved ones because of drunk drivers and I also know drunk drivers.  My husband's best friend killed himself driving drunk on the freeway.  Thankfully it was only himself and no one else was involved in the accident.  There were many times when my husband took his friend's keys away but unfortunately he couldn't be with him every minute of the day.  Please remind others not to drink and drive.  Have a safe and sober summer.  Click the button above to read Untypically Jia's blog post.

Right Where I Am Project: 2 Years, 11 Months, & 3 weeks

I heard about this project on KK's Butterfly Wings and then followed it to its source at Still Life With Circles.  I thought it was an interesting project and felt like I had some reflecting to do so I decided to participate.

      So where am I now on the long and bumpy road of grief?  It depends on the month and my emotional state but the majority of the time I feel happy. I'm proud to be Ryan's mother but I struggle finding my place in this world as a mother to an angel in heaven.  For example, I want to be recognized as a mother on Mother's Day but I don't really feel as though it is a day of celebration for me.  Sometimes I disappear from blog land for long periods of time.  I mostly follow baby loss or infertility sites.  It just becomes too overwhelming and I start to fall into a deep dark place.  I'm working on expanding the sites I follow to include other things that I'm interested in such as book clubs and education blogs.  I've been down in the dumps with depression and have fought my way back.  I'm gaining back some of the old me by controlling my diet and exercise.  I'm working really hard at not letting the passing of my son define me but only be a part of me.  I've attend group support for infant loss through Compassionate Friends.  There I met some remarkable people that give me strength and advice.  Last year I met with a grief counselor that had also experienced infertility and infant loss.  She helped me immensely.  One of the biggest lessons my counselor helped me learn was to stand up for myself when people make rude and inappropriate comments.  I'm sure you've heard them too.  Without being disrespectful I'm now able to tell people that their comment was hurtful.
     I miss my son something terrible but I don't bawl my eyes out  on a daily basis.  Believe me the tears still flow but they don't come as often.  May and June are horrible months for me so the water works tend to be turned on more frequently and easily.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my son.  I'm always looking at children and wondering if that's what he would be like.  Every time a lion pops up when I'm least expecting it I take it as a sign from Ryan reminding me that he is with me and aware of my thoughts about him.  I can open a baby shower invitation without tears now but I'm still unable to attend baby showers.  I order and send gifts online rather than going to the store so I can save myself the embarrassment of crying in front of others.  I avoid places where babies are going to be such as children's birthday parties.  I know that's awful but I just can't do it.  The moment people start ohhhing and ahhhing over babies I fall to pieces.  I'm much happier inside my protective bubble.  Toddlers and older children don't seem to bother me but babies get me every time.  I still visit the cemetery once a week and probably will for the rest of my life.  I enjoy bringing my son flowers and trimming the grass around his head stone.  I feel this is one way I can take care of my son.  Other moms have the privilege of taking care of their children on a daily basis.  I never really had that opportunity.  In the sixteen days that Ryan was in the NICU the nurses  took the best care of him.  I was able to assist them once in a while but I mostly left it up to the experts because I wanted him to survive and thrive.  Every night I give my son's picture a kiss goodnight and tell him how much I love him because that's what I would do if he was here.
     My goal for the upcoming years is to once again smile when I see a baby and hopefully be in the same room without having a melt down.  I know this will happen in my own time.  One day the time will be right for me and before I even realize it I will smile without tears or the conflict of joy and sorrow in my heart.    
     I'm grateful to my blogging buddies who continue to welcome me back with no questions asked.  I appreciate the positive messages they send me when I pull one of my disappearing acts.  Although I've never met most of you in person I consider you to be friends.  Thank you for your continued support on the long and bumpy road of grief.  May this post be a blessing to someone today.

No Ticket For Me!

Picture borrowed from swellshirt.com 

     I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.  I was looking forward to being beamed up to heaven to be reunited with my beautiful baby boy.  Instead I've been left here on Earth to finish my report cards-Yeah, do laundry-Oh Joy, clean house-Now We're Talking Fun, and of course attend church-Welcome to Happy Hour.  I hope the Rev. is still here.  His sermons are excellent.  I can't wait to hear what he'll have to say about all this.  I'm wondering if any of my blogging buddies are still here?  Are any of them blissfully rejoicing in heaven as I sit here typing this post?  If you're still here I would love to hear from you.  At least I'll know I wasn't the only blogging soul left behind.  I'm off to complete my report cards so I won't suffer the great wrath of my principal tomorrow morning.  Hope to hear from you soon.    

Moon Madness

This week my students displayed their knowledge of the moon phases using Oreo cookies.  It was messy but tons of fun.  I think it will be something the kids will remember for years to come.  Here are a few examples.

The Places I've Been

I tried this earlier in the week and it didn't work.  I hope my picture stays viewable this time.

Fun Filled Weekend

Dana and I had a busy but fantastic weekend.  We started it off by going to the O.C. Fair with our friends Tim and Alison.  It was fun walking around looking at the things for sell and stuffing our faces.  We ate and ate and ate some more.

On Saturday, I got to see my nieces.  They are here from New Jersey.  We went out to dinner and then saw the theatrical production of Tuesdays with Morrie.  They play was very good but don't forget to bring some tissue.

Sunday is hockey day.  It's all about game day preparation for Dana.  Just kidding, but he does like to take a pre game nap.  This week Dana's regular goalie couldn't attend the game so he called in the backup~ his 19 year old niece.  Dana's whole family came to watch uncle and niece play together.  It was exciting to see them on the same rink since it is a 40 and over league.  Dana's niece is an excellent goal tender.  The final score was 9 to 3 us.  My honey scored two of those goals.

Are You A Booty Buster?

Do you often find your badonkadonk red, sore, itchy, and irritated from playing sports, cycling, horse back riding, motorcycling, or sitting around blogging all day?

Note: This is not my stinkpot. It's just a random picture I got from the internet.

If so, I have got the solution for you! Save your junk in the trunk and get your bottle of Anti Monkey Butt powder. It's smooth and silky powder absorbs sweat to keep your keister feeling and looking great. Pick up a bottle today and you can have a ( ! ) normal tooshie again soon.

BAAAHAAA, HAAAHAHAHAH, HAHAHABAAAA, HHHAAAAAHAHAHA

Sometimes my husband and I walk to our neighborhood Rite Aid for a scoop or two of Thrifty's ice cream. One night we were walking the aisles of the store when I came across this bottle of Monkey Butt. We couldn't stop laughing and I just had to take a picture of it. I know, we're real mature, right?

Anyway, if you ask me they should have named it Baboon Butt because I think they have the red rumps. This is going to be my favorite gag gift from now on. I can't wait to see who my first lucky recipient is going to be. You can click here to check out the actual Monkey Butt website. It's pretty funny. I hope you got a barrel of laughs out of this like I did. Swing by again soon, Monkey Butt!

Baboon picture borrowed from warsangeli.org

Falling Off the Wagon

I was doing so well but last week I fell off the wagon. I only worked out at the gym once and had to force myself to stay on the treadmill for an hour. There were serious conversations going on between the wanna be healthy me and the who gives a crap me. It sounded something like this:

Healthy Me: Come on Lisa you only have 15 more minutes, you can do it.

Lazy Me: Who cares what's 15 minutes, how many more calories are you really going to burn?

Healthy Me: Don't be a loser Lisa, 10 min. will go by fast. You're not tired!

Lazy Me: You can get off now and go home. 50 mins. is good enough.

Healthy Me: Keep going, you're almost there. Burn those calories!!!

Lazy Me: Push the stop button and get out of here. You can get Cold Stone on the way home as a treat for working out.

Healthy Me: 5 minutes out of your life is not long, you'll feel much better if you stay on.

Well I completed the workout but didn't return to the gym for the rest of the week. Instead I ate a bunch of junk food.

I was feeling horrible about my choices so I joined Jillian Michaels online to give me a swift kick in the a**. She sends me emails, yelling at me to get off the couch and start working out. Jillian complains that I haven't completed my food log, well that's because she doesn't really want to know what I've been eating. Her calculator probably can't total all the calories I ate.

This week I'm jumping back on the wagon and going for it, once again. Why are so many things in life like a roller coaster ride?

I'm an Addict!

I've gone from being a dessert junkie, trying to eat my way through my misery, to becoming a gym junkie. As most of you know I've been seeing a grief counselor to help with some of the things I'm having trouble with. My counselor suggested to me that I need to keep up with going to the gym in order to stay off of antidepressants. Exercise, spicy food, and orgasms produce endorphins and help keep serotonin levels balanced. Dana was so happy when I came home and shared this information with him. Well ladies, it looks like I'll be having a lot of romantic Thai dinners followed by an intimate workout before having an orgasm. Man, the things I'll do to stay off meds.

Just kidding but seriously I have been working out everyday for about 2 hours. Each day I take a weight lifting class or lift/aerobics. After the class I jump on the treadmill or stair master. When I get home from the gym I leash up my dog and roller blade around the neighborhood. I feel so much better (and so does my dog) it's unbelievable. It's a night and day difference. I only hope I can keep it up. So far it has been 2 1/2 weeks. For me, it's not about having a hot body or losing weight but keeping sane. If I end up with a great looking body that's an added bonus but for now I need my mental health. I've also noticed that I don't crave the junk food as much and have limited myself to only having dessert on the weekends. Wish me luck.

Bad Blogger!

Sorry, I've been a bad blogger for sometime now. I'm taking the summer off to work on me. Getting my life back on track has not been an easy task. I've been trying to eat my way through my misery and have recently discovered that isn't working so well for me. Last week, I found a grief counselor that has experience with perinatal death, infertility, and other women issues. I'm excited but sad and thankful all at the same time. I'm excited because I think I can get the tools I need to get passed some of the barriers that are keeping me from truly being happy. I'm sad for the sheer reason that I need to go talk to someone about my son and all my other issues surrounding his death. I'm thankful that there is someone out there that can give me the tools I need to once again enjoy life fully. It also helps that her office is only a few miles from where I live and I pay on a sliding scale. : ) I've also been back to the gym and found that its not all that bad once I get going.

The next few post are going to updates of the happenings in the Peterson Household. Some date back to many months ago but oh well. Enjoy.

I'm Back...I Think

Hey blogging buddies,

Thanks for the emails and checking in on me. Sorry I didn't respond. I haven't felt much like blogging lately. I'm having a heck of a time trying to figure out how to be a mom to an angel in heaven while everyone around me is having health babies. There were five people at work expecting this year. The last two just had their babies last week. On top of that my neighbors across the street came over and told my husband and me that they are expecting twins through IVF. I feel like such a horrible friend because every single one of these people were there for me but I'm unable to share in their happiness. I turned down every baby shower invitation because I couldn't even RSVP without bawling my eyes out. Truthfully, I thought I was further along in the grieving process but I guess I'm not. I still have a tremendous heartache and the tears would flow everyday if I didn't hold them back. I returned to my parent support group this month and found some comfort. There is a balloon release and a preeclampsia walk in the month of May that I plan on attending. I'm hoping those things will help bring me some solace. The unsuccessful IVF treatment was a bigger blow to me than expected. I knew I would be devastated but I had no idea it would be this awful. If any of you have any advice regarding baby showers, new babies, or being a mom to an angel I'm all ears. Your kind words and support are greatly appreciated.

Correction: One more coworker is expecting to have her baby very soon.

I Survived!

I'm so excited to announce that I survived my first week of Boot Camp. I don't know if I lost any weight but I feel stronger. Here are a few pictures of me working out.