Reality Check!

After crying my eyes out I started to self reflect. I finally came to the conclusion that I'm acting like a spoiled rotten brat. Sure I feel mad, disappointed, devastated and frustrated but I need to pick myself up and move forward. I have so much to be thankful for. My whole life I've never had to want for much of anything. Even when times were tough my sister, brother, and I were always provided for. We always had nice clothes to wear, a roof over our heads, and food on the table.

I think of the people in Haiti who have had their lives turned upside down. Their families have been ripped apart, their houses destroyed, they don't know when their next meal is going to fall from the sky, they are dying from infections that could have been easily treated and here I am cursing God and bawling my eyes out over a luxury procedure. Many children have been left orphans, precious babies and children have been buried beneath the rubble, in many cases whole families have been wiped out. There were no last goodbyes, hugs, or kisses. There are no burial sites or knowledge of where their loved one could possibly be. I'm lucky because although my son is not with me I know where he rest in peace. I have the ability to visit him. I was given the opportunity to say goodbye to him and other loved ones. The people of Haiti have the right to feel devastated, sad, angry, and hopeless but yet they sing praises to God and dance in the streets.

I'm truly blessed to have a loving family that stands by my side and supports me. My friends have also been there for me and I continue to meet great people each day. I have a wonderful husband and there is no one else in the world that I would rather be going through this with then him. He is a remarkable man that is so loving and understanding. The statistics say that the death of a child breaks up 70% of marriages then put the stress of infertility on top of that and you're doomed for failure. With everything that we have been through our love has only grown stronger, richer, and deeper. For all of this I praise God. Now I only hope he forgives me for wanting to beat the crap out of him. I thank the Lord for once again humbling and helping me put life back into perspective.

As disappointing as this was for us, it's not the end of the road. We still have 3 frozen embryos and sometime in the near future we will meet with the doctor and discuss our next step. I've learned that when undesirable things happen I need to look for the blessings within. Sometimes they're difficult to find and other times they're glaring at me but if I look hard enough and face reality the blessings can be found.