It's me, Lisa. So let's get right down to it, shall we. What is your f#$*ing plan for me? Have I not suffered enough already? Have I not given up my only child, MY ONLY SON? From the pit of my soul I'm raging mad. If you or your son were to walk through the door right now I would probably try to beat the crap out of you all the while screaming Why? Why? Why?! It is taking every ounce of my being to praise you, not turn my back on you and walk away but you don't make it easy. To go through the whole IVF process and get a negative result is like another slap in the face. Supposedly if it hurts me then it hurts you too. Well then, feel my pain and heartache. I hope it overwhelms and consumes you like a giant wave crashing on top of you and sucking you under. You are tumbled and wrestled about wondering when you will have relief, just when you think you are going to get a breath of fresh air you are sucked back under. You surround me with a bunch of pregnant women and wanted me to be happy. What kind of screwed up healing plan is that? Let me tell you, it's not a healing process at all! It only makes me feel miserable. Each and everyday it is thrown in my face that my child, my son is not here. Every week in church it is preached that you are a loving God, well if that's true you sure have a funny way of showing it. Right now I'm sick, YOU make me sick. Take your divine plan and shove it. Where is the justice in this world when there are mothers discarding their babies in dumpsters? I'm weary, I have no more energy to continue this conversation right now but believe me it's not over!
A sincere thank you to our family and friends for all your thoughts, prayers, and well wishes. We truly feel your love and know that you are just as devastated as we are. I don't know what we are going to do next at this time. Seriously, I don't know how many times I can be beat down, pick myself up, and carry on with my chin up. I try to be better over bitter whenever possible but this is one of the times when it's not going to be possible.
Oh Lisa, I am so very sorry. I know that does not help, but know that your are loved. Let me know if I can help with anything. Love you,
ReplyDeleteAnna :-)
oh lisa, i am so broken hearted for you. i am right there with you (i think i had the same conversation with God this week...just for different reasons). i am just so sad and mad for you...it's just not fair. not at all.
ReplyDeletei'm here if you want to talk....you deserve the world, my friend. you don't deserve this.
We are so very sorry you and Dana have to feel this pain. It hurts my heart to know you are both in such pain. We love you and are hear for you, no matter what it is. Love you, Kat and Scott
ReplyDeletelisa, i am so sorry. this is awful news- not the news any of us were hoping for (least of all you, i know). i am heartbroken. this is just so unfair. i wish i could give you a huge hug. can't ONE thing be easy? ((((hugs))) you deserve all the happiness in the world. (((hugs)))
ReplyDelete-erika
littletinyfootprints.blogspot.com
I can't f*&$'n believe it!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI just can't!!!!!!!!!!!!
My beautiful sister, I am so sorry to hear this news! Know that I am always here for you and you can call me anytime day or night if you feel up to talking!! You and Dana are in our thoughts always.
ReplyDeleteOh no. I am so sorry Lisa. My heart hurts for you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteLove and Kisses to you and Dana...My heart is breaking for you both. Know I love you and so do many others, but I know right now that no words will take away the pain you are feeling right now.
ReplyDeleteLisa...My heart truly aches for you. I wish I had the right words to give you peace and take all your pain away, but I'm not God. I know right now your are hurting and angry. Remember these are human emotions, which are nature, but God doesn't always answer us in our time or the way we want Him to. He does LOVE you, more than you could ever imagine, and He can handle the yelling and anger you feel because He feels it, too! He lost His only Son to die for us. I wish I was there at school with you to talk, hug, and have our tissue pow-wow. Please call me if you need to talk or just to yell at someone! I'm here 24-7!
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