Unhappy Mother's Day

Where do I begin.  Sitting at my kitchen table I can see my next door neighbors all dressed up carrying dishes obviously off to celebrate Mother's Day.  I wish I had their smile.  I know I'm truly blessed to be a mother of a beautiful baby boy, especially after 2 1/2 years of infertility.  It just breaks my heart that he is not on Earth to share it with me.  It's sad when your own husband isn't even sure what to say to you.  I feel awful because Dana was torn between telling me Happy Mother's Day or not.  In past years I have been given gifts although I wasn't a mom yet.  It used to make me so mad because there was that chance that I would never become a mom.  Now that I'm a mother people are afraid to wish me a Happy Mother's Day because they don't want to upset me.  I don't blame them, I couldn't even call my own mother.  I thought about it numerous times today but when I thought I had the courage my eyes would start to well up.  I'm sorry mom.  I love you and I actually have a card for you.  It took me forever to pick one out.  Not because I couldn't find the right card but because I would read a few then have to walk around waiting for my tears to go away.  Last year, when I was pregnant I received a great book from my mother-in-law titled Ma! There's Nothing to do in Here!  I remember sitting on the couch rubbing my tummy and reading it aloud to Ryan.  I know Ryan is looking down smiling upon Dana and I.  We treasure every day we had with him.  Thank you sweet baby boy for giving us the most precious gift, you!  We love and miss you.

Lisa